Long silence, I know. No explanation, really, other than busyness.
All's been surprisingly good. The healing we've seen in P over the past 6-12 months has been really unbelievable. We are now able to look back some years and be amazed at ourselves: how did we ever survive all that? What irritates us now is nothing compared to the ground we've covered. Still progress to be made, but the healing and attachment are so clear that it is pretty easy to stay motivated and positive.
We've headed into the season of trauma-versaries. This is the season of abandonment, upheaval, orphanage placement, separation from all that was known. With P's bday thrown into the mix in early January. And Christmas is all around us already even though it's not even December; decorations are out in the stores here, and our city had its parade last weekend (we did not go).
We're seeing the effects on our two princes. They are both more agitated these last two weeks, with some craziness coming through. Again, it's all mild when compared to much of what we've lived in the past. No one's running away these days, for example. But nonsense questions are back, there's been a decline in table manners on the part of the RADling, and -- judging by the dark shadows under the eyes and seemingly constant sleepiness -- sleep issues appear to have returned. We amped up rocking/holding time this morning, strong sitting remains a mainstay, some of us are jumping a lot on the trampoline, and we're trying to do a lot of talking about feelings. Thanks to niacin, I believe, we are rarely met with defiance these days when we work with P to try to uncover his deep feelings.
This morning's events -- aka what prompted me to post today:
First, P spent the morning exhibiting extreme survivors guilt. He was full of talk about the dire circumstances he imagines his birth family in, how poor they must be, are they cold, are they hungry, it's not fair, how can he be here in Canada, he has too much, we have too much, they don't have enough, everyone in Ukraine is suffering, what if they are suffering, we must go there now, we must send money, can he have $100 to send them, he needs to get gifts for the kids in his birth family, he can just picture their faces when they unwrap his gift. In the midst of the morning routine, this was a boomerang. I was thrown for a loop and didn't know how to handle it. (Advice welcome!!!)
Second, while B and I were brushing our teeth, he declared that he had figured out who his real family was. His birth family. I stated that I thought he had two real families but that I see us all as his one big family because, really, M and I are joined to the boys' birth family through P and B. B thought about this for awhile. Then: "But my birth family is MORE my real family than you are because my birth mother borned me, and you did not do that." Stake through my heart.